Tantra and The Spiritual Couple Relationship – Part Two

Posted: March 31, 2009 / in: Spirituality / 26 comments

“What is the secret of happiness in a couple relationship?
Love together the same divine things!”
(Anthony De Mello)

Here are some fundamental ideas that give a deep and initiatic perspective upon the couple relationship and underline its spiritual value.These ideas can represent a genuine revolution in the view of couple relationships since they are reformulating the frame of thinking about this important aspect of our life.

The Law of polarity:

As I referred to in the first article about the Tantric system, and I will have to mention that a fundamental notion that will help us to understand the phenomenon related to the couple relationship and the way it can become the genuine “engine” for our spiritual evolution is ENERGY. There are many possible definitions of energy but I will only mention here one that is useful in the practical applications: energy is a movement that is born out of a difference of potential between two poles. This difference of potential is in fact born out of the game of polarities that structures the entire creation at all its levels, for this reason it is of a high interest to take polarity as one fundamental law.

Tantra states that everything in the whole universe results from the free, spontaneous, endless and ecstatic union between Shiva – the Supreme Masculine consciousness – and Shakti – the Supreme Feminine Consciousness – the game between Yang and Yin.

For this reason Tantra reveals, (for the ones who are ready to look carefully and without preconceived ideas into these aspects) that the universal dynamism mysteries are found in a synthetic way expressed within the mysteries and fascinating game of the relationship between a man and a woman in the same way the mysteries of galaxies we find condensed within the deepness of the atoms. This is the reason why the conscious and initiatic approach of a polar couple relationship represents much more than the inevitable result of some game of individual forces, but the expression of a Divine Game that is structuring the whole universe in this manner.

For the tantric initiates, the couple relationship is viewed upon as an open gate towards one of the great mysteries of the universe, a great chance to directly experience this mystery and to understand it through direct and conscious participation. The couple relationship is thus understood as an expression in the human existence of the Universal Couple Shiva – Shakti, Consciousness – Energy.

Any process, phenomenon or state is potentate by this Divine Game. Therefore in order to have any control over the states, phenomena or processes that take place in our life, it is necessary that the fundamental polarities that sustain this process, state or phenomena to be balanced or to take place the polarization of the two complementary forces one in rapport with the other one. As a reflection of this cosmic process in the being of the spiritual seeker, the game of polarities is the one that essentially empowers the spiritual progress.

Thus the couple relationship would become a genuine “spiritual workshop” in which the two lovers learn how to awaken first their individual polarity to a large extent and then – by empathetic union with the other lover – to awaken the complementary polarity.

This makes the couple relationship become not only a pleasant aspect of life, but an occult element of great importance for our spiritual evolution, with the obvious condition that we look upon it from the right perspective or in other words to have the proper initiation. This is possible by consciously engaging in this game of complementary polarities, amplifying first our own polarity and gradually awakening through assimilation from the other one the complementary polarity, thus gradually heading within the couple relationship towards the glorious state of androgyny. The polar couple relationship becomes in this way the most simple and in the same time efficient method through which we can approach and become tangent with the glorious state of androgyny, the state which will allow us to have afterwards exceptional spiritual realizations very easily.

The Purpose Of The Tantric Path With Regards To The Couple Relationships

The essential goal of the tantric system as well as of any genuine spiritual path is the awakening towards our true nature, the God within, the Supreme Self-Atman. The second stage of this realization implies consciously realizing the identity which exists between this ultimate reality of our being and the ultimate nature of the entire creation, the Supreme Absolute or God.
The first and most important step in this spiritual search is the revelation of the Immortal Supreme Self – Atman – step which is realized by the direct experience of that perfectly neutral “something” within, the luminous and silent witness which is the one who knows everything. In order to achieve this state of centering in the “silent eye” of the storm (as sometimes we call the Supreme Self); the Tantrics propose the spherical expansion of the consciousness by the amplification and union with complementary pairs of energies from the universe.

This neutral centre is expressed in our consciousness through the fundamental experience of TO BE, through the feeling of I, free from any other associations.

Tantra teaches us that the intensely lived life experience in all its plenitude and maximum lucidity, transfiguration and adequate knowledge generates in itself a state of centering on this central axis (The Supreme Self) of which at a certain point we begin to be aware. Therefore all that is needed is to awaken steady attention in the middle of the most intensive experiences of life. States like happiness, harmony, goodness, extraordinarily intensive pleasure, as well as states of frustration, sadness, anger can become as many reasons to become centered in the superior state of the detached witness.
The condition for this state of self-centering to appear is, besides having a steady and powerful attention in the middle of the experience, is to have an exceptionally intensive state. The more intensive the experience is combined with a sharp attention, the faster the process of self-centering is. If the experience is a medium one then we risk having less capacity to centre in the superior state of the detached witness. This observation represents a fundamental mechanism which is revealed by the tantric system and represents the foundation of many of its techniques. If the attention and the lucidity can be trained through different exercises performed individually, the other “ingredient” to expand our consciousness until the state of detached witness, namely the exceptionally intensive states, will not always depend on us. Life sometimes provides us with exceptionally intensive states, but when and how they come is not always under our control and consequently it might be a problem to use this mechanism as a steady spiritual practice. For this reason the tantrics always sought the source of exceptionally intensive states to which we can naturally have access to at any time and which, together with our well-trained lucidity and attention, will become the basis of an exceptionally efficient spiritual practice.
The super sensual experience of eroticism with perfect control over the sexual function in a transfigurative and loving couple represents such an important source of extraordinarily intensive states which will help us to realise the state of self-centering.

tantra coupleLove is one of the fundamental experiences that a person will have in the process of spiritual awakening and the sensual expression of it through love making with perfect control and transfiguration will become the closest way to consciously experience the state of pure existence.

Through these intensive experiences which we have with lucidity and relaxation our consciousness will tend to expand to include complementary states and to complete our spiritual experience. Tantra doesn’t imply a fight with the elements of life, but rather to assimilate them through the conscious experience.

Since tantra suggests to live as much as possible all of life’s experiences with intensity, some mistakenly consider that it is an inferior path which leads to exaggerated carnality and mere orientations to pleasure.

Beyond this misunderstanding the initiates consider Tantra as the SUPREME ASCETICISM because it implies a perfectly controlled and lucid gradual expansion of the consciousness into the exceptional experiences of life, the control here being done not by force, but rather through realising our options.
Therefore in tantra the experience is not “consumed”, but it gradually and lucidly unfolds so that it is enriching us. Therefore, the state of centering is obtained in tantra not by effort, but by lucid experience of all that life offers to us, the expansion of the consciousness which results from here allows us to include the contraries and thus to obtain the state of centering in the neutral point, accessing the zero level of personality.
In the couple relationship, both the positive extraordinary experiences and the negative experiences which result from the individual blockages are as many ways to expand the field of our consciousness and to surpass our limits.

The tantric initiates lucidly observe and thus effortlessly control any manifestation of the universal energy, Shakti, being able to transform its inferior aspects in as many spiritual states.

Through this spherical expansion of the field of our consciousness, everything which was established beforehand in a rigid way (which before was helping our being to live even through the moments of unconsciousness) is gradually eliminated; the walls of life regulations are falling under the enormous pressure of the conscious experience, of Reality. This way the being becomes free and spontaneous, permanently aware of itself. The more often these moments of awareness occur, the more accentuated is the state of spiritual awakening.

As a conclusion we can say that the gradual expansion of the consciousness will appear through the controlled and conscious union with the energies and experience of life, therefore, tantra is using the extraordinarily intensive experiences which life provides.
The plenary and full of love transfiguration couple relationship in which the two lovers practice sexual continence (the hyper lucid and perfectly controlled sexual impulse) becomes for the tantric initiates an exceptional source of such overwhelming experiences that are doing nothing more than expanding the field of consciousness of the two lovers from finite to infinite.
The exceptional value of these mechanisms recommend the super sensual erotic experience in a polar couple as an efficient method and from here we can understand why the interest to prolong the sensual experience is not any more a hunt for sensual pleasure but to gain new spiritual balances

Essential Aspects Related To The Couple Relationship – The Normal Way In The Couple

Statistics and modern realities:

The life duration of the couple relationship decreases in an alarming way. In 2001, statistics showed that the average duration of a couple relationship is 3 – 5 times less than the duration of a couple relationship in the beginning of the 60’s. Yet the interest to have a happy couple relationship remained almost unchanged, but “it seems” that it doesn’t depend on us. In reality, only people’s ignorance makes them unable to develop a couple relationship in the direction to which they aspire.

The way the couple relationship is perceived was subjected to drastic change. Some aspects represent a genuine failure in the modern couple relationships. Happiness and fulfillment in the couple relationship for example are often replaced nowadays with professional and material accomplishments. People have the tendency to “forget” about themselves through excessive work and through the use of psychic stimuli such as tobacco, alcohol, drugs. The time the two lovers spend together decreases both in quantity and in quality. If last century we could speak about the honeymoon of the two lovers, these days we can barely speak in most of the cases about the honey-weekend and even this one is often not so bright.

The concept of relationships tends to become something simplified to the maximum. For example in the Nordic countries the confusion at this level makes people often have an instinctual interaction reduced to the minimum. People prefer to live within groups of interest staying away from intensive experiences such as passion or love; these intensive experiences are sometimes even considered noxious and disturbing for what the modern person aims for in the daily life.

More families are now disabled in an accelerated rhythm. As an example, the majority of the families from the Nordic countries recompose a few times before children reach maturity, thus each child “enjoys” more parents. This fact might appear to be good, but in time it leads to the weakening and degradation of the couple relationship, its fundamental role being gradually replaced by the society, effect which is paradoxically corresponding to the ideals towards which the utopic communists from North Korea were heading.

At a more profound level, the erotic fulfillment in the couple is drastically reduced. Most women today are not fulfilled erotically and they seldomly experience states of orgasm. States of frustration and connected disturbances become more frequent. The way sexuality is experienced by women is in many cases a sacrifice (they sacrifice their own sexual fulfillment for the man’s sexual fulfillment) while for the man, sexuality leads in many cases to premature exhaustion.

Due to the continuous alienation from their own soul, the romantic phase in the couple relationship (phase which we will see occupies an important role in developing the superior levels of consciousness) becomes shorter and the routine and boredom arise earlier. Due to this fact more and more couples call without great success the couple counseling in order to re-ignite the flame of passion in their relationship. The consequence of this situation is immense. One of them is the fact that in many cases people remains emotionally retarded, being unable to sustain the couple relationship from an emotional point of view.

An improper participation in the couple relationship which destroys the passion faster leads to the proliferation of pornography as a desperate attempt to light up the interest for intimacy and sensual interaction. On a long term basis this aggravates the situation, leading to the sexual problems and disappearance of the libido.

Upon closer inspection one can notice that the forms of emotional and sexual education are primitive and the sources are almost non-existent. Yet the emotional chapter of life is a very important one. Due to emotional crises or emotional immaturity, people make the majority of their wrong decisions in life. For example, due to mistaking a sexual attraction with love, youngsters marry and try to establish a family which is based on something unreal. Rarely do we see people crying because of a mental mistake, but often we see people crying because of an emotional mistake. Even though this chapter of our life has such an impact on us, the emotional education is primitive, if at all. Children and teenagers are not taught about love and about love relationships and therefore the only educational sources at this level remain the characters in books and movies which most of the time present distorted, deviated and unrealistic models. This leads to the situation where people step into life and into relationships completely unprepared from an emotional point of view.

Another strong chapter in our life which suffers these days from lack of information is sexuality. Similar to the emotions, sexual education is very poor, being reduced to the basic biological mechanism of it. It shouldn’t amaze us that in this situation in the era of interplanetary travels, genetic engineering and supercomputing sexuality is still under the influence of medieval taboos and prejudice.

Next we will present how to make the couple relationship the genuine “engine” of the spiritual life….. stay tuned

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Advaita Stoian

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Comments (26)

  1. dana franti says:

    I feel so lucky that I am part of the extremely privilege community of people who have access to this kind of information, I mean our yoga school. And even for me this article is so enlightening that I feel more motivated to take part in spreading out this information to as many people as possible around the world. I know your time is limited and it is not possible for you to travel in all the places where people would gather to be initiated in this “art of the couple relation” that you are promoting with this article. But have you thought of creating a team of people who are able to take forward this information? What would this require? How can I contribute? I would be very grateful to receiving an answer from you soon.

  2. Michael and Gabriela says:

    Dear Mihai
    We are a couple who have been searching for genuine information about Tantra. After reading both of your articles about the spiritual couple relationship we feel that we may have found what we are looking for.
    Our relationship has been through many ups and downs over the years, but because we have always felt that there must be a higher purpose for us being together we have not given up, even in the most difficult moments. However, it seems that the relationship always goes through the same tests and we came back to the same points again and again. It seems like we are chasing our tails sometimes! We love each other deeply and want to find a way out of this cycle that our relationship continuously moves through. From what we have read, Tantra appears to be the answer to this.
    We want to integrate Tantra in our lives practically, as we have read a lot and feel now the only way to make real progress is to get practical. For this to happen we would like to attend some workshops or lectures with you as only reading about it keeps our possibilities for understanding limited. We read your article about the Secrets of Tantra in London and liked very much the approach you and Adina have towards the tantric teachings. Have you ever considered keeping such a weekend in New Zealand?! 🙂 Or maybe longer..
    We know many couples here who would benefit from your teachings.
    We’re looking forward to the next installment in this series.
    Thank you.

  3. alegria says:

    Dear Mihai

    I am grateful for your teachings, especially regarding spiritual couple relationships and I have some questions, perhaps you can explain… After a couple of years of strugglining to fit in “how a couple relationship should be like”, me and my beloved finally relaxed and decided to focus on the soul communion and spiritual purpose of our couple relationship… and since then, applying your advices – also those I found on natha.net about couple relationship, we found each other closer then ever, more in love than before, more free than before,and experiencing high states each time we make love… the time in between our meetings seems non existing or better said, seems to amplify the high states we experience when we meet and the attraction between us has increased even more then in the beginning… somehow, I feel we have the clear experience of a spiritual couple relationship, even if to some from the outside, things look different, and they say this is because they do not see us together so much… In the mean time, I discovered the magic brought by the fact that I do not give anymore any details to my friends about how our relationship is, I mainly emphasize on the happiness that I live inside constantly…
    The thing is I have friends who have access to your teachings also and who say they apply them, and yet, to my surprise, I see them unhappy, stressed, worried, jealous, trying to control the one they claim to love… talking to them about applying your teachings, they say they know the theory, they understand it mentally, but cannot deal with a concrete situation – like, getting depressed or feeling lonely when the other one does not give them the attention they want, and they often say they cannot do anything in those situations, as they feel their heart closed and even if they do not want the respective situation, they cannot help it… What would you suggest to me in order to help them, in a different way then a mental talk that they cannot really relate to, although it makes sense to them?

    Thank you
    Alegria

  4. admin admin says:

    @dana franti
    dear dana,
    the tantra course that is not available in Denmark is such a source of information for those that are interested in learning tantra. after three years of participating in the tantra class you can take part into the tantra teacher special training program and you become a tantra teacher which will give you the chance to actively participate to the process of spreading the wonderful tantric spirituality in the world. now you know!

  5. admin admin says:

    @ michael and gabriela
    dear michael and gabriela,
    we are on the way to open this year a school in australia and there you will find the tantra courses that will provide you with the right knowledge. we were not thinking about new zeeland but who knows…
    until then you should know that in Denmark you can attend an entire tantric summer festival where you can learn more about tantra. check on http://www.natha.dk

  6. admin admin says:

    @ alegria
    dear alegria, there are many people that say they apply some spiritual teachings on their life but this doesn’t mean that they do it correctly. there are also situations when even if you correctly apply a method that was supposed have certain effects, before the expected effects to appear there will be a lot of side effects that might give the impression that the technique or the method doesn’t work. for instance, when a couple hear the amazing experiences that are given to the couple by constantly and perfectly applying the sexual continence to their lovemaking, they will immediately try it home. but in the beginning they will face a lot of challenges, and somehow even the pleasure diminishes since they are now training instead of only enjoying their intimate relationship. apparently for them sexual continence was not bringing the expected results. yet if they continue with the experiences and proper training long enough, they will experience all the wonderful effect they heard about. if you meet that couple when they are in between the beginning and the success they will appear as for them the sexual continence didn’t work.
    lets not forget that childhood looks so charming from adulthood but we forget the tears we shed when we were children.
    anyway the best think you can do for your friends is to serve them a good example that will inspire and show them that it is possible.

  7. Hanna says:

    Is there any chance to bring a normal couple relationship on such hights, as a spiritual couple relationship should be, when not both of them are interested in awakening the consciousness? I am in a couple relationship with a man that says he has these itnerests, though the last months are turning me into an enemy in his eyes – rather then a closed and beloved friend and lover. How could one of the two inspire the other one the interest for spirituality and transformative togetherness when this specific “other one” has always a rejective attitude?

    Wodnerful insights. Amazing experience- to live te life as you describe it in this article. Sounds like the heaven on earth.
    Thanks again

  8. Bobby says:

    About sexual fantasies:

    According to the Kinsey report, most people have sexual fantasies.

    Since tantra suggests to live with as much intensity as possible, I guess a true tantric would also embrace his/her sexual fantasies as a powerful source of energy and not something that should be hidden away or ignored?

    My experience is that many sexual fantasies are related to the lower chakras and from this comes a dilemma. Because lovemaking should be about love, but lovemaking is also about energy, such as sexual desire which is not, in it self, related to the heart. So where is the balance or does there exist a balance?

    I have had some extraordinary moments where I full of love, have embraced a fantasy, and used it to enrich the erotic game. My experience is that if I am in heart the fantasy can empower the love between me and my beloved.

    I have also experienced the opposite, that a fantasy pulled the energies down, even from the heart.

    I would like to hear other peoples experiences with this subject..

    Love and fire,
    Bobby

    PS: I am looking forward to part 3 of this article!

  9. Denis says:

    Hi everybody,

    It’s a cool site here, I have spent the last two hours reading these tantra things. Many interesting subjects, I would like to try to practice tantra. Do you have any advice, how and where to start? I have many sexual fantasies. Is that good or bad?
    All the best,
    Denis

  10. yeah says:

    Hi Denis,

    Its a very good thing, you are exactly like the famous guru Mihai Stoian. Mihai has a phallus type mind. You should transfer in Copenhagen to can manage your spiritual life. There you will join this unique mind, extremely phallus mind: Mihai Stoian.

  11. Bobby says:

    Hi Denis

    You have fantasies because you have sexual energy. And that is a good thing 😉 I can not imagine to live a life without a vivid imagination ;-)… But if it starts to dominate ones life it is time to sublimate using yoga techniques or intense meditation…

    An interesting question is when to start living out the fantasies. I have learned that fantasies rarely go away. After 15 years I still have the fantasies I had as a teenager. It is interesting that our inner desires seems to transform so slowly.

    Love and fire,
    Bobby

    PS:
    yeah: What a lame, school-boy-type of comment. Somebody said that you should think 3 times before you speak, and 7 times before you write. Maybe you should apply this rule, and you might come up with something more interesting? I am looking forward to see how far you skills go 😉 Please, if you have a point lets start a discussion. This kind of lame comments are not leading anywhere… It is a complete waste of cyperspace!

  12. admin admin says:

    @ yeah
    was this a moment of frustration because you were not understanding anything in the article or you have a problem with the phallus? either way your post was a substantial contribution to the comments made here, a peak of human wisdom 😉
    you give denis advices regarding the sexual fantasies but it seems you have some very interesting ones.
    when you have more of such “regurgitations” please announce in advance so we can open a special debate for this level so you will not feel alone …

    @ denis
    you can learn more about the tantric path by starting with the articles from natha.net about tantra and sexual continence and then you can start with some exercises that are already indicated there. regarding the sexual fantasies you don’t have to be concerned, as you can read here on the blog, there are some that have problems mistaking reality with their fantasies. this is the only problem that one have to be concerned about. as long as you realize that they are fantasies you can just enjoy their existence and gradually learn to reuse their energy by some special tantric techniques (that are producing the so called “transmutation” and “sublimation”). in this way you are not in danger to act upon the world according to the fantasies you have. i wish you to learn more and succeed to find what you are searching for.

  13. Bobby says:

    More about fantasies:

    I also learned that some fantasies dissapear when I have played with them, where as some fantasies just become more intense. I once had a lover where we played so many games that just talking could bring me close to loosing my energy. Amazing. I also, know that some lovers can induce orgasm just by speaking in the phone together. That is something, eh!?

    I also noticed that if I am tired I get a certain kind of fantasies. Probably the energies tend to go down when one are tired.

    It is interesting that people in general keep their fantasies very secret. But that might be because the nature of fantasies is something that takes place inside the head – otherwise it wouldn’t be fantasies. I wonder if fantasies would exist if there were no inhibitions? And what would happen if we lived in a society with no inhibitions. Would be degenerate into pure lust seeking humans, or would the fantasies simple evaporate, sublimate, as we again and again would investigate them and live them? Or is fantasies just an expression of the dark corners in our subconsciousness. So that our mind would just continue to develop new fantasies as the old ones dissapear.

    I wonder if an enlightened person has fantasies… What do you think?

    /B

  14. Pavel B says:

    @yeah
    I read your post but this stood out: “to can manage “… Seriously, my advice to you is ‘start reading!’, preferably books, real ones.

  15. Denis says:

    hello everybody,
    i am happy that i got some answers to my questions, thank you. i read more and more about tantra the last days but they are so many teachings and techniques, i almost feel confused. so, when i have sex i can not just enjoy there, i have to do all kind of breathings and contractions? but then where is the fun? ok, i understand that i need to learn to control my sexual energi but is anybody who can tell me how long it will take that? and my woman will not find strange that i have to stop all the time and i don’t ejaculate? she likes to see me when i do it.
    regards,
    denis

  16. Gilda says:

    I had ones a lover who used to ask me to play all kind of sexual games. In the beginning I was amused and I accepted but after a while he just wanted to make love to me like that. I could feel that he is mostly in his mind being excited more by the idea of what he was doing then that we were making love together. I don’t think is pleasant for any woman to fell used like that, I felt used, something was wrong, he was more interested by the game then by me. And I don’t think the tantric way of making love imply to use such games, it was very much like instinctual sex. I broke up with him after 5 months, he wanted something, I wanted something else. Personally I don’t think that the sexual fantasies should be used very often, I have suffered a lot, I felt attached to this man for some time, I didn’t want to be with him anymore but it was painful to let him go way from my life. And that was because of this low passion we have followed.
    This was my experience,
    Gilda

  17. Bobby says:

    Hi Gilda

    I know what you mean. The problem is if the fantasies replace the reality and you are not really present in the act. That is terrible. It has happened to me 3-4 times that I was with a girl that simply was not present. It made me feel alone in a strange and unpleasant way.

    So if the fantasies occupy the mind because you are unconscious and replace the reality i dont believe it is good. But if you embrace them in an conscious way it can add a lot of energy, while you are still rooted in reality and the love you feel.

    It is interesting to notice that if a fantasy tries to sneak into your mind it can make it very difficult to control the energies. It comes within 1-2 seconds and it shows how good spiritual training it is to make love with the sexual continence…

    /B

  18. Gilda says:

    Hi Bobby,
    I have to admit that I cannot agree with you, I think a fantasy is carring a low energy and I really believe is much better to try to sublimate this energy out of lovemaking moments.I have noticed that our spiritual master is never encouraging us to be very passionate and I understand why, because this low passion open the gate to attachments, jealousy and also the capacity to keep the sexual continence becomes just a probability.
    I don’t say we should not play erotic games but it depends very much what attitude we have, if they are innocent and played with love is different but if we adopt a specific role with a specific attitude which is played by other hundreds of people which don’t have the most sublime intentions we get in rezonance with their egregor and maybe we try with our little trained consciousness to keep the control but how many times will we succeed?
    I think we talk about the opposite situation as a ritual, a fantasy gives us elements and symbols which tends to lead us down words, of course it gives also intensity but since we know also how to use good elements and symbols why shoudn’t we use these ones instead?
    For example, to invoke the divine couple shiva-shakti in the beginning of lovemaking it gives a lot of support, intensity and up lifting states.
    Did you ever try to make love in this way?
    Gilda

  19. Olivia says:

    Hello,

    I am a middle aged woman who is searching for a meaning in her life, i just ended in a long term relationship, i am now finding the space to discover all the things i put on hold for 20 years- i am interested to find out more about Tantra. I have always felt there was more to sex than the shortlived encounters i was having, i am not even sure if i have ever had an orgasm. Is it too late for me at my age to experience sex with orgasms?

    With thanks,
    Olivia

  20. Amrita says:

    Dear Olivia

    it is never too late, and you still have at least half your life to enjoy it – I invite you for a free trying lesson in the intensive tantra course in Natha in Copenhagen, where you can also ask more questions. If you are not living in Copenhagen then call me on 33930858 and we find the nearest place to your city.
    You can also find more information about courses here: http://www.natha.dk or read more about the topic here: http://www.natha.net

    I wish you happiness in your new journey in life
    with love, Amrita

  21. admin admin says:

    @ olivia
    Dear Olivia,
    your message is wonderful for its sincerity. It is indeed not to late to discover that intimacy, love, happiness are all naturally a part of our life.
    Yet one need to learn a little in order to be able to access this “treasure” that we have been given together with this life. Learn more about the concept of SEXUAL CONTINENCE and you will be amazed about the results this can have in your life if you start practicing it. You will also have the chance to discover that sexuality is a spiritual aspiration that is trapped into the matter and by consciously experience it you can again release it, allowing it to fulfill its journey back to the Spirit.
    Today more and more people start to realize that what they are calling sex is in fact just the “trailer” of the real sexual fulfillment. More and more men and women realize that it is much more to lovemaking than what it is usually available from knowledge taken from the friends and night movies 😉 . And this is also the reason why tantra is becoming increasingly popular today. Yet i don’t want you to remain with the idea that tantra is just a science of improving the sexual life. Tantra is using – among many other aspects of the human life – sexuality for making the consciousness expand using intensive and prolonged states such as the states of orgasm. But searching for the states of orgasm you will be amazed to discover a lot more about yourself… and having in the same time incredible states of fulfillment.
    Read more about tantra or join a tantra course in our school (if you are near one of our centers). This will bring you closer to what your heart need now.

  22. admin admin says:

    @ bobby
    You are right with the imagination and fantasy but this is the usual problem when we mistake imagination with TRANSFIGURATION. One of the main differences is that imagination is starting from something that does not exist and leave reality as it is while transfiguration TRANSFORMS the one that use it and the object of transfiguring process. In the tantric lovemaking transfiguration is the key to the “chain reaction” that is allowing the sexual continence: transmutation and sublimation. you felt that the girl was not there because she was probably imagining something and maybe your transfiguration was not very strong either.
    Learn more about the transfiguration and it will solve the whole dilemma regarding the imagination.

    @ gilda
    it is the same confusion that makes that lover of yours to behave like that. He didn’t practice the transfiguration and this is the reason why it was difficult for him to make you feel integrated into his fantasy. In the case of the practice of transfiguration, the one that is transfigured (in this case it would have been you) feel more than part of it, it transforms the one in the wonderful way the transfiguration is oriented.
    In absence of transfiguration, imagination is making the two lovers living their own dream where the other one is “used” as a support for the imaginative process. This is why you will not feel so good when it happens.
    In the next article (part three) will come more explanations regarding the transfiguration process and how can you learn it. Else you can find here good references:
    http://www.natha.net/articles/relationships-and-spirituality/the-sexually-continent-couple.html
    http://www.yogaesoteric.net/content.aspx?lang=EN&item=1637

  23. Olivia says:

    @Admin,
    Thanks for taking the time to reply to me. I had this feeling all my life there was something more, that i have been a mere ‘observer’ of life,and i have been missing out on a secret or ‘treasure’ as you put it, and i do not just feel it related to my sex life, i feel it related to my whole life,i think deep in my heart i have always knew that in fact i am the one who holds the key to my own happiness and success in life,( i hope i am making sense :-)), before i was so busy in a superficial existence i couldnt even look for the key. but now i want to live, I have to admit i am scared at taking these steps but in the same time i feel a freedom that is exhilarating me.
    With kindest regards,
    Olivia

  24. […] to anyone who is interested to understand the importance of sexual fulfillment and true love in the couple relationship as a key aspect to living a happy and wonderful life. Soon available also on Amazon, the book is […]

  25. Marie (France) says:

    Congratulations to all of you for the great success and great organization you had last weekend with the Tantra Festival and the hundreds of people that were invited there! I am very glad for all the participants and I believe also you must be really happy for this. Wonderful

  26. Lakshmi says:

    Sir, I just happen to see on your twitter one of your discussions and I wish to ask you something if I may.
    You say we mix Love with Attachment because we also mix Giving with Receiving, and that Giving goes well with Love while Receiving brings along Attachment. It feels to me very wise what you say.
    But where exactly is the mechanism problem here and the solution to a healthy life?
    To find a way to not mix them anymore.. meaning to also find a way to separate Giving from Receiving? This separation seems very hard to be done for women… and especially women have this strange ”gift” to mix things..
    Or to pay attention to always Give much more than Receiving? Thank you.

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